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[23 Aug 2009|10:05pm] |
I’m a photographer. And I don’t just mean that I’m your run of the mill amateur-do-it-in-their-spare-time kind of photographer. I feel it. I know it. Nothing compares to the feeling I experience when I’m behind the lens; framing; composing; balancing colour, subject and contrast.
I’ve never known passion like it, in any other area of my life.
My photography is mostly accidental. No. Not accidental. More, unintentional and experimental. Something will catch my eye and I’ll photograph it. It could be a certain colour contrast, movement, or presence. It’s only when I get the prints back that I realize what it was I was seeing – and sometimes the character and presence of my photographs amazes me. Not because I’m under any illusion my photographs are something amazing, but because I captured something very real.
Perhaps that’s why my main subjects are people. Mostly friends. I manage to capture their essence from my particular perspective. I’m able to through the lens of the camera, perceive my reality as it is without blinders, documenting a piece of time and in the process, sometimes uncovering little bits of a person’s soul that I wasn’t expecting.
My journal is a collection of photographs that speak to me. They are my work.
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[16 Aug 2009|10:08pm] |
Oh blogging, how I've missed you some. Haven't been writing for anyone lately. Well maybe a bit for myself in short little e-mails and flirty facebook messages that have led me exactly nowhere, but other than that? I've missed it.
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[17 Mar 2009|11:21pm] |
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Fuck. Fat again.
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[18 Feb 2009|01:42am] |
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I'm kind of convinced that I'm ugly.
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[15 Dec 2008|04:44pm] |
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It finally happened. And true to the way my luck works, a mere few days after I
remarked on it. I had up until today, never been witness to or the cause of hitting
an animal with a car. It was the worst thing I've ever experienced. And its hard to
write about. I feel like I need to express just how horrific it was, but I don't want
the details to be gratuitous. Waiting for the bus, I heard something jolting, can't
even remember what it was, and when I looked to my right there was this cat.
Convulsing off the ground to the extreme. I just couldn't believe what I was
seeing. I started crying and looked around for someone to help. I didn't know
what to do. He was in brutal shape and blood was flying out of his mouth and
all I wanted to do was kneel down and try and calm him or stroke him but I
couldn't. I had a hard time looking at him but it wasn't even an option to walk
away from that. A couple walking by with their dog saw it too and they had the
quick sense to go run for a vet at the vet hospital a block away. He ran, she stood
with their dog and cried with me. In our own way, trying to comfort him by standing
as close to him as we could. His face was broken. Pupils so fully dilated, teeth
broken and mouth bloody and I can't get that face out of my head. I stopped traffic
on that busy street and yelled at the assholes honking at me. I couldn't leave him.
I wanted to touch him but I couldn't. His owner was brought out of her apartment by
a neighbor and she was beside herself. I felt so fucking awful watching her be
destroyed by her cat lying on the ground, then picked up and put in a bin and lightly
covered with a blanket. She kept sobbing for him to wake up and be okay. He was
still breathing when the vet came and took him down the street. I don't think there
was any hope of him being okay. It took me a long time to stop crying. I absolutely
never want to be witness to anything like that again.
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